A Story From 2024

2024 its a rough time. My life during this time felt like a roller coster. In the first month of 2024, i got really sick. My stomach felt sucks. I thought i got a bad gastritis (or even stomach ulcers?? I don't know). And that illness cames long way before january. It's like early/mid december that i got bad 'maag'. And even way back then, in the mid october, i got diarrhea. And in november i got fever one day before my graduation. I recovered from them in the mid february. Mind you that my sickeness was really painful. I couldn't even lay down in bed, i should sit upright or at least my back leaning to wall/chair backrest. If i didn't, i would vomit. And every time i felt my stomach full and hurt. I had to eat little by little and in slowly pace. Even i couldn't eat rice too. Ahh those times. Until now, i am very picky of what should i eat, and i have to say good bye to instant noodles T_T

 

Finally, in mid/late february i got my first job! Yeayy!! It's not a fancy job although it had a good 'rukos' building. It didn't even have proper employment contract. I don't know about my rights and obligation in that company. Everything seems really sus.. No contract, i didn't know what my task actually, i didn't know how that company works, work organization? Forget it. Even the company name didn't even appear in google. Hmmm... I did feel i cannot stay there forever, maybe just 6 month for the longest. And bamm!! I worked at that company for just less than 4 month hahahh... Man, there's no future if i still there. I felt like i work in a fake company. Honestly, my co-worker resigned first, and my 2 other co-workers resigned too. So, it just me there. I ddidn't wanna be alone in this company, so i decided to resign too, well not resign, but i contacted my manager to change my contract from full time job to freelance job and of course without written contract, just via whatsapp. And yeah that's my story why i am unemployed again.

 

In mid june until mid october, which my worst month, i slowly loosing my confidence day by day. I isolated myself again, i was depressed, i was doing my bad habit again. And suddenly i thought about suicide. I reallly wanted to die. I was imagine myself dying from illneses and bla-bla. For me, die was the only solution to 'what i am gonna do next if i live like this forever'. But i was too afraid to take action. I was a loser. I was scared for dying i mean being in a agony. I wanted to die in peace, like you suddenly die and didn't feel hurt or anything. But, i can guarantee if i could die in peace right? However i couldn't even think positively about my life. I thought my life is stuck, there's no other option anymore. I couldn't think that there is a way to be a good person, to be the best version of me. To be just, relaxed and facing the reality in pragmatic ways.

 

Finally late october happened. I joined the graphic design course in my local area. It's free course and i got free luch too. Plus, and the most importantly, if  we good in this class, they could give us promotion to work in printing company. This was a good deal! However, when i first joine this class, i thought i shouldn't belong there. It's for beginner and my peers was very-very young. Like they were 5-7 years younger than me. But then i still woke up every day to joined this class cause i bored just scrolling tiktok in my home. At least i had a new activites. But turns out i felt better after all this class. I gained my confidence anymore. I talked more and more, i had new friends, i switched opinions to other people, even i saw the morning sun light which i rarely see in my worst months because i always end up woke up late. I didn't expect that my life would be so much better. I saw some hope. Yeah, finally i was hoping anymore.

 

In late november, my course ended and i should search job again. I shouldn't rely on their promotion because it was too long to waiting their information about that job. So i applied some job, and i got one. So right now, i am in my internship program. At first, i found this company is sus. It didn't appear like a decent company, even the boss is, uhh what can i say, didn't look convincing to me. But then, he promised some good contract, i mean better than my previous company. They were more clear to that contract, even my internship contract used duty stamp. And i saw some good future for this company, so yeah i joined that. Well, my internship went very well. I learn new things especially about the technical stuff and i appreciate that. And tomorrow, next week, will be my internship last day. And i will have my new salary after 3-4 month (yeah i got a project from my previous company as a freelance designer back in august/sept/oct, i forgot the exact month). After my internship program, i will go to my training program that up to 3 months.

 

9 days counting to 2025, i wish my life next year will be better. I can be the best version of myself, i can learn more things, i want to love myself even more, also i want to accept myself too. So pray for me, that i can do all those things next year. Ameen.. I am manifesting to all of those hopes and ideas. Thanks to read my story. And i forgot to say to my self..

 

Gem, thank you, it's been a rough time this year, but i know you've gotten so far until now. You're the best and you're stronger than your thought. I am with you if you have problems, that's okay. We can go through this journey together. So straighten your back and chin your up, we sail this boat together, forever.

 

 

Agembul

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CHAT GPT CORRECTION

2024: A Rough Year

2024 has been a rough time. My life during this year felt like a rollercoaster. In the first month of 2024, I got really sick. My stomach felt terrible. I thought I had bad gastritis (or maybe even stomach ulcers—I wasn’t sure). That illness had started long before January; it was around early or mid-December when I first experienced severe maag. Even before that, in mid-October, I had diarrhea, and in November, I got a fever just one day before my graduation. I finally recovered around mid-February.

Mind you, my sickness was incredibly painful. I couldn’t even lie down in bed—I had to sit upright or at least lean my back against a wall or chair. If I didn’t, I would vomit. My stomach always felt full and hurt. I had to eat little by little and very slowly. I couldn’t even eat rice. Ah, those times... Even now, I’m very picky about what I eat, and I’ve had to say goodbye to instant noodles. T_T

Finally, in mid-to-late February, I got my first job! Yay!! It wasn’t a fancy job, but it was in a nice rukos building. However, it didn’t even have a proper employment contract. I didn’t know my rights or obligations in the company. Everything seemed suspicious—no contract, unclear job responsibilities, no idea how the company operated, and zero organizational structure. The company’s name didn’t even appear on Google.

I knew I couldn’t stay there forever—maybe six months at most. But bam! I worked there for less than four months, haha. There was no future in that company. It felt like I was working for a fake company. To be honest, my coworkers resigned first, and two others followed. Then it was just me left. I didn’t want to be alone in that company, so I decided to “resign.” Well, not exactly resign—I contacted my manager via WhatsApp to change my contract from full-time to freelance. And that’s how I became unemployed again.

From mid-June to mid-October—my worst months—I slowly lost my confidence day by day. I isolated myself again, fell into depression, and picked up bad habits. I even started thinking about suicide. I really wanted to die. I imagined myself dying from illnesses or other scenarios. For me, death felt like the only solution to the question, “What am I going to do next if I live like this forever?”

But I was too afraid to take action. I felt like a loser—scared of dying, scared of the pain. I wanted to die peacefully, like falling asleep and not waking up, without pain or agony. But there’s no guarantee of that, right? I couldn’t think positively about my life. I felt stuck, like there were no other options. I didn’t believe I could become a better person or the best version of myself. I couldn’t even face reality pragmatically.

Finally, in late October, something changed. I joined a graphic design course in my local area. It was a free course, and they even provided lunch! The best part? If you did well in the class, they could promote you to work in a printing company. It was a good deal!

At first, I felt out of place. The course was for beginners, and my classmates were much younger—about 5–7 years younger than me. But I kept showing up every day because I was bored of scrolling through TikTok at home. At least I had a new activity.

Surprisingly, I started feeling better as the class went on. I regained my confidence, made new friends, and engaged in conversations. I even saw the morning sunlight, which I rarely saw during my worst months because I woke up late. I didn’t expect my life to improve so much, but it did. I began to hope again.

In late November, the course ended, and I started job hunting again. I didn’t want to rely on their job promotion because the process took too long. So, I applied for jobs and got one!

Right now, I’m in an internship program. Initially, I thought the company seemed suspicious—it didn’t appear very professional, and the boss didn’t seem convincing. But he promised a proper contract, better than my previous job. They were clearer about expectations, and even my internship contract had a duty stamp. I saw potential in this company, so I joined.

The internship has gone well. I’ve learned new things, especially technical skills, and I really appreciate that. Next week is my last day as an intern, and after that, I’ll start a training program that lasts up to three months.

With just nine days left in 2024, I wish for a better year in 2025. I want to become the best version of myself, learn more, love myself more, and accept myself fully. Please pray for me to achieve all those goals. Ameen. I’m manifesting these hopes and dreams into reality.

To my past self:

“Gem, thank you. It’s been a rough year, but you’ve made it this far. You’re stronger than you think. Whenever you face problems, it’s okay. We’ll get through this journey together. Straighten your back, lift your chin, and let’s sail this boat together—forever.”

— Agembul