Tulisan Asal : Reborn!

So here i am, sit in a rugged chair, with hugry stomach, and the loud sound of an old fan break the silence. I write something not important cause i dunno what would i write? But anyway, i have watched a blind youtuber on youtube. Unexpextedly, he is so positive. I mean, if i cant see, it must a nightmare for me. It is like you are lost your ability, lost your sense, lost your another intellegence, so you cant do anything cause you cannot be an independent person. And, you dont know how world works, how world is like. You see nothing. You see world in different way. I dont know how it feels.

Jadi barusan gw nonton anime hakuoki. Gw sebenernya mau banget main otome gamenya. Cuman sayangnya otoge (otome game) versi mobilenya berbayar T_T Jadilah gw nontonin aja animenya. Mumpung ada di youtube, gratis lagi!

 speaking about english, i have trouble in both speaking and writing english. ya i know, when you learn a new language, you're not only read or listen but also have to write and speak. like toddlers when they learn to talk, they talk about everything that comes to their mind. words, phrases, sentences, all of them come out from their tiny mouth and loud voice. they make a lot of mistakes, sometimes they are not clearly arrange words or make absurd sentences. but hey, they're just playing. they are always confident in their words, like a politicians giving a speech. hahaha.. but my biggest fear is fear of being laughed at. so i put myself to not make any mistake so i wouldnt be laughed at. and then my progress is... not progressing any further. this is like when i was 2 years ago (actually only my writing and my speaking skills are lacking but my listening and reading skills are slightly better than before). so ya, here i am. write broken english with the help of google translat...

i feel like im doing nothing (actually yes). i always in my cozy-box and dont wanna jump off its wall, cause i know it's hard and tiring. but the real reason is im so scared. i scared that i cant do my job very well. im scared that i took a wrong decision, or i make a huge mistake and embarrass myself. so yeah, im here, in my tiny cozy-box that makes me feel safe (but actually no). however, even though its a comfortable place, my heart tells me that there's something not right. it's like there something stuck in my heart, and i always think about it (or sometimes overthink it). so what is that? ya, i know i musn't here, i have to go. i know if i stay here, i wouldn't be able to make any progress. im stuck. i know its wrong, wrong if i stay here just to escape from reality. but out of that place and face the reality isn't that easy. that's why im here, in this box with the feeling of hesitation while my hand reach out of the box. (curhat sambil ngelancarin ba...

 gw sempet curhat di kuskas tentang kelemahan, kegelisahan, ketakutan, dan kecemasan gw dalam bersosialisasi. gw curahkan apa yang gw rasakan dan alami, lalu selanjutnya gw minta solusi dari msalah gw ini. ga disangka responnya positif dan membangun. gw pun sadar bahwa bukan gw doang yang mengalami hal sama. beberapa dari mereka bahkan udah bisa keluar dari zona --kecanggungan sosial-- itu. gw byk belajar dann gw makain mantap untuk kearah yang lebih baik, lebih berkembang, dan lebih healthy. oiya tentang healthy. gw tadi barusan baca komen orang, bahwa psikolog dia bilang kalo kita seharusnya gak ngomong good/bad atau jelek/bagus, karena sangat hitam putih dan terlalu harsh. jadi lebih baik katakan bahwa itu healthy atau unhealthy. nah that's a good idea. mulai dari sekarang gw akan nyesbut sesuatu itu healthy dan unhealthy.. agembul

 ah gw mau curhat aja jadi gw tuh dapet matakuliah yang mengharuskan gw survey ke ukm/ikm (ya semacam pt gitulah..) untuk diajak kerja sama dalam penelitian gw. NAH! ini yg buat gw pusing, karena kalo survey gw harus ngobrol2/silaturahmi sama owner atau pekerja di ikm itu kaannn. tapiii social skill gw kureenggg. jadilah gw berencana untuk ke ikm dengan teman2. but unfortunately, temen kelompok matakuliah sebelah (bukan matakuliah yg nyari ikm) yang kebetulan kita satu daerah, udah pada dapet semua dongg. awalnya gw ngajakin mereka buat cari ikmnya bareng2, tapi mereka tuh kyk mau kyk engga gitu lohh. jadi gw digantungin kan. akhirnya gw kepikiran, apa gw ikut proyek dosen aja ya, bikin tas. nah trus temen gw ada yg ngajakin cari ikm di bandung. dan bingung lah gw. singkat cerita gw lepas tuh proyek dosen dan gw ke bandung aja. tapi lagi2 gw dapet angin surga (yang semu). temen kelompok gw ngajak survey kan ke daerah A. dan gw pikir, ah asyik nih sekalian aja nyari mitra. dan terny...